Tuesday, 28 June 2011

What turns people into bunny boilers?

Is there a latent bunny boiler in us all…?

Not that many years ago, somewhere in West London, an old friend of mine was, quite unexpectedly, dumped.

As far as he had known, the relationship was going just swimmingly, until she dropped the bomb on him.

No “its because”; no “it’s not you, it’s me”;’ and no “I need space”.

Just unceremonial dumping.  He was totally shocked and heartbroken.  He didn’t tell me, but I think he had been planning to ask her to marry him.

This friend of mine is a laid back, fun guy to hang out with.  The very last person you would ever imagine turning all ‘bunny boiler’…

But for a short spell, that’s exactly what he became.

He was so hurt and perplexed by her behaviour, that he just wanted a response.  He wanted to understand, something to help him get to grips with what had happened.  But she wouldn’t take his calls or respond to any form of message from him.

So he hung around outside her flat.  On one occasion, he even waited for her to go out, and followed her to see where she was going…

Creepy, right?!

I admit, he didn’t go as far as Glenn Close – but stalking and following someone and making endless phone calls …

I’m smelling rabbit stew…

Fortunately, this friend of mine eventually got over it, married a friend of mine, and had two lovely children.

But what latent psyche was triggered by the cruel behaviour of his ex?  And given the right circumstances, could this type of behaviour trigger a similar response in any one of us?

I hate to admit, but I think there’s a bit of it in us all.  Just waiting for a trigger.  Like Stockholm syndrome, who could ever imagine developing such a strange relationship with a captor?

It may never rear its ugly head if we are treated with respect, even if a relationship ends.  But if not…  The bunny is on dangerous ground.

I’ve done ‘closure’ before, but have to mention it again….

If you don’t want the other party to become like this – get some balls.  Don’t get too involved if you’re suspecting it’s not ‘right’.

Be cruel to be kind.  Give them a reason to get their teeth into and let them move on.

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