During the time I was going through divorce proceedings, I lost count of the number of times I woke at 4am – soaked in sweat and having a panic attack.
I cannot find words to explain how traumatic the whole process was.
But never, not even once, did I consider going to the doctor to get ‘happy pills’.
This may be to do with the fact that even as a teenager I have always been very anti drugs. I saw at close hand the effect that they had on people I knew as a teenager. And my sister suffered mental health problems at that time, and was put on all number of horrific drugs to try and help. But they didn’t help. And the reason that they didn’t help was that it transpired her issues were a result of physiological problems, not psychological ones.
These are my feelings about medication. I would not put them on anyone else. But I fear for those around me, who are going through problems and happily taking the pills to help them.
I fear for them because their problems have a physical cause that needs resolving. It can’t be removed by popping Prozac.
Just recently however, a friend stopped me in my tracks.
She had a different view. She was not totally pro-drugs, but made the interesting point: “if we aren’t prescribed drugs, we end up self-medicating”.
I would hate to think of myself in that way. But she did have a point. It was a point that sunk in as I downed my fourth large glass of red wine and lit another cigarette. My own personal self-medication….! Not so smug now Lara!
If I’m fair, and its something I really do try hard to be, we all have to find a way through the chaos.
Mine will never be prescription drugs – but at some point I will have to quit the cigarettes and cut down on the alcohol.
My divorce is over. I am starting to move forward. I therefore feel I have to take stock – and so my resolution this month is to cut down. Wean myself off the self-medication…
(I can’t help wondering whether it would be easier to wean myself off Prozac… After all, you can’t just buy more in the supermarket!)
Wish me luck!