Friday, 8 July 2011

Something for the weekend, Sir?

To me, the very thought of going into a shop and asking for a pack of condoms is excruciating.

When I was a teenager, my best friend Sarah had a Saturday job in a branch of a large chain of chemists (no I’m not going to advertise for them!).

One day, whilst shopping with a friend who didn’t know Sarah, we decided it would be amusing if she approached her and asked where the condoms were.  As I watched from a distance, Sarah went bright red, and in a fluster showed her where they were.  By this stage, my friend was really getting into the swing of it.  She started asking what the differences were and which ones she would recommend.  At this point, seeing that Sarah was about to die of embarrassment, I decided to show myself.  She nearly killed me and I don’t think she’s ever forgiven me!  But it was really funny!

But in today’s modern world, all joking apart, safe sex is an important issue.  But I can’t help feeling there must be some kind of etiquette to it.

If, as a woman, you whip out a pack of condoms when the heat of the moment demands it, will a man think that you’re a bit of a tart?  Does it suggest a level of planning and an assumption that the man finds you attractive?

By the same token, if a man comes round to your place, and just happens to have a condom on him, does this mean that he thinks your ‘easy’ – or is he just a bit of a tart?

And then of course there’s the question of how you go about buying condoms.  It makes me think of a sketch on a comedy program years ago, where an embarrassed young man goes up to the till to buy condoms.  The cashier rings the bell for assistance, holds the packet in the air and shouts across the shop “how much are Durex?”.  The expression on the young man’s face makes you wonder whether the experience put him off sex for life!

Fortunately, nowadays we have on-line shopping.  A friend of mine made me howl with laughter, telling me she gets the Ocado man to deliver them!  For women like me, who get embarrassed and blush really badly, I think it’s a damn fine idea!  My only concern would be if they were out of stock….  What would they offer as a substitution?  A pregnancy test?

As a single woman, trying to get out there on the dating scene, it is something that has to be considered.  I’m not suggesting that I’m planning on having sex with every man I meet.  I’m just not that type.  But at some point I hope to have sex again!   And as such I think we’ve just got to be grown-up and mature about it. 

A friend of mine (the one who does Ocado!) gave me her take on the subject.  Make sure you’ve got a pack hidden in the drawer – just in case.  But wait to see if the man produces one first.  That way, you might save yourself from embarrassment and if not, at least you don’t have to worry.

So I, Lara Lakin, promise not to think badly of a man who shows up with a pack of condoms, and I hope that he will be equally mature and not think me a slapper if I have to rummage around at the back of my knickers drawer!!!

Now, where’s the shopping list….

PS – about the substitution, my friend Julian has just turned up…  apparently he recently ordered Andrex toilet wipes when online shopping.  They didn’t have any, so they substituted it with Tena Lady pads (that’s incontinence pads in case you didn’t know!).


  1. I thought the Ocado substitutions were odd, and that was just for food. Really how do they come up with this stuff. If they are out of my chosen crisps, for instance, they will send, not another brand of crisps, but peanuts or pretzels. Odd. I hadn't considered the further implications.

  2. I have recently become a most regular buyer of condoms, fruit tasting potions that go with them and you name it....sadly not for myself, although i'm determined to give the strawberry and cherry flavours a go, but for my two sons in their late teens. I had no idea how much fun you could have walking down the aisle of a supermarket!!!! I found myself reading up on at least thirty varieties of condoms trying to understand the difference between them all....boys off to Greece with their friends and one of the other mums thinks they will be "shagging anything that moves.." so am preparing trunk load of durex supplies to avoid STD"s - what fun!

  3. Luckily my mum's mate is a nurse and gave me a lifetime supply for christmas! every flavour/type/brand you could imagine. Plus a boy bought me some Aston JLS condoms as a gift for a joke. Funny boy.

  4. OMG - Aston JLS condoms... That really makes me laugh. Maybe for the more mature women they could produce Brad Pitt ones, and for the even more mature women... Hmmmm... Oooh! I know - Jack Nicholson condoms!!! Hahahahaha!


Facebook Like Button