Sunday, 6 November 2011

When a relationship ends….

Today I had some bad news.  It was news that I was, to a degree, expecting.  But sometimes, even if you know something is going to happen, it doesn’t really sink in until it does.

As I do not want to identify the people concerned, for a variety of reasons, I am going to refer to my fabulous, wonderful friend as ‘A’ and their other half as ‘B’.

I have been friends with A and B for quite a while and I have enormous affection for them both – but it is A who has become a very close friend and who has had a massive impact on me during the last year.

The last year has not been an easy one.  I moved out of my marital home, a house I loved, that I bought my newborn baby home to.  Where I held my kids birthday parties and played ‘hostess’ to my friends.  From there, I moved into a building site, via a three week stay with a very kind friend.  Life was chaos.  Dust and dirt everywhere, my worldly possessions stuffed into boxes in three different locations.  At that point, my divorce hadn’t even been rubber stamped.  Life was not much fun. 

Then finally the dust, literally, started to settle.  The new dog arrived.  And so with it, I met A. 

Having finally realised that I, the fellow dog owner, was not totally demented, A and I became instant friends.  And as our friendship developed, we realised that we had more in common than we could ever have imagined.

A is one of those people who can alternately make me roll on the floor laughing, and then support me when I sob big tears onto their shoulder.  And sometimes, I think A knows me better than I know myself.

But as I was getting to grips with the trauma of the end of my marriage and a very large chapter in my life, A was coming to the end of a chapter too.

Despite deep rooted feelings for B, A has realised that their relationship has come to an end.   And with a heavy heart, A is moving back home to Scotland, to be near family and old friends and to start again.

I totally understand why A has made this decision.  It is no slur on B, just a sad parting of the ways. 

And I am losing a very great friend – not of course in totality, but face it, A will be too far away to pop round for a gossip!

Throughout my life, in all the different stages, I have occasionally met people who have had a massive impact on me.  Their friendship has gone way beyond that of even some of my very longstanding friends.  It’s that bond you have when you just ‘get’ someone.  You understand what makes them tick.  You may not agree with everything they do, but you sure as heck understand why they do it.  And you have such confidence in their discretion and ability to understand and not judge, that you are able to tell them a raft of things you have never told other people.  

And this is exactly the type of person A is. 

I confess I am dropping big salty tears onto my laptop, because in all honesty, I’m gutted.  I will miss A so badly – but I hope A and B’s lives will move forward and they will both find happiness and fulfilment.  If ever there were two people who deserve it ... 


  1. My poor Lara! This year isn't getting easier, is it?

  2. So sorry to hear this :( can you stay in contact with A? or maybe it just won't be the same :(

  3. Thank you for your comments... Of course, we will stay in touch. But distance changes the dynamic of a relationship. A won't be able to just 'pop round' at the drop of a hat. And that's been such a great help to me during the last year, in my new house, with all the stress of settling into life as a newly divorced woman. It is a real wrench...


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