Friday, 25 November 2011

Having sex on a first date… the ramifications…

Having sex on a first date… the ramifications…

When I posted recently on the subject of having sex on a first date, I mentioned two male friends of mine who had taken a different approach to their new dates.

Whilst one of these friends has taken a steady gentle approach, the other went for a speedier one.

And this post is about ‘the speedy one’.

As it happens, things got off to a fast start for James.  And by week two, there was some action going on.  But before I tell you more, I need to rewind a little bit, to give you the background.

Only weeks ago, James had been ticking along happily in his ‘single, but looking for a girlfriend’ lifestyle.  He had a female lodger, herself on ‘the hunt’ for a boyfriend and life was very straightforward.

Then, out of the blue, he received a phone call from his ex-girlfriend, who is the mother of his daughter.  She was calling because she was in a very difficult domestic situation with her current boyfriend and she desperately needed sanctuary.

Given the circumstances of her leaving James (unceremoniously, and barring him from seeing his daughter), he was faced with a real conundrum.  He was desperate to see his little girl and didn’t want her to be in a ‘difficult’ situation, but his feelings towards his ex-girlfriend were hardly ‘warm’.

Ultimately, he felt he had no choice but let them come and stay with him.  So they moved in.  Somewhat predictably, the ex-girlfriend managed to start irritating him as soon as she arrived.  Acting like it was ‘her’ house, she suggested that the lodger should move to a smaller room, so that she could have the big one… and so it went on.

And whilst all this was happening, James had met his neighbour’s sister, who he had taken a shine to.

Having taken this new woman out on a couple of dates, he decided to invite her round for a seduction dinner.  The scene was set, the lights were dimmed, and the ex-girlfriend had been dispatched elsewhere for the evening.

The seduction dinner went according to plan and another date was arranged.  During the course of this next evening, having already decided that this girl is probably not going to be a long term option, James found the conversation taking a few twists and turns.  Despite having explained the situation with his ex and daughter, this woman seemed unduly quizzical. She then started to cross-examine him about his impending birthday trip to Vegas. 

Heck – the trip was arranged way before she came onto the scene, the girlfriend / daughter situation had been explained… but as I said in that last post… she had already jumped to the ‘next stage’ and was acting like an established girlfriend would.  This was already putting James off.  He disliked being cross-examined and questioned about previously arranged birthday plans.  Personally, I can’t say I blame him for being irritated.

The following evening, James got home late, to discover his ex and the new woman sitting in his kitchen gossiping!

He was furious.  The explanation from the woman that she had ‘come round to pick up her phone, which she left behind’, just didn’t wash.  He lost the plot and told them that he was going to have a shower, and when he got back, they’d both better be gone.

He felt like he was being stalked.  Checked up on.  Investigated.  And all by someone he’d only just met, who he didn’t really know yet…

But they’d had sex…. And there’s the thing.  Women do, often, psychologically jump ahead and expect more than the man does. 

Maybe, if this woman had taken things a bit slower, she would not have felt threatened by the ex and the trip to Vegas, and would not have been tempted to sneak round and investigate, when she knew he wasn’t there.

What she achieved was an unceremonious ‘dumping’.

So who’s to blame?  And who says that a man can just have what he wants without there being complications…

You’ll have to answer that one for yourselves…


  1. I'm loving your blog, such a brilliant read! x x

  2. I'm not a prude and do not judge anyone who has sex on a first date. Personally, I have no problem with it. However, my fear of not hearing from a man that I genuinely want to explore the possibilities of a relationship with holds me back. It's been my experience that sex on the first date usually results in never hearing from that man again (no matter how great it was).


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