OK – it’s a really
crappy joke. I heard it years ago,
but for some strange reason, it still makes me laugh! Here goes….
Q: How do you like your eggs in the
morning?
A: Unfertilised!
Yes, I know it’s
puerile. But there’s a point to
it. A point that has been
bothering me recently.
As I stand here today,
I am very clear in my mind that I have the number of kids I have always
wanted. And I don’t want any more.
But if I am fortunate
to meet someone in the future who doesn’t have kids, someone I really fall in
love with and want to spend the rest of my foreseeable life with, what will I
do if they want children?
Grrrr. That’s a really tough question. And strangely, a question several
female friends have asked me recently.
Despite the fact that
I’m late for everything (I don’t mean to be, I just am!), I am a very organised
person. I like to plan and arrange
details in advance. And this is
how my kids came to be. Planned
and organised. I wanted two, I got
two. Done.
But I have to confess,
although I really hate having to admit this point, there is just a teeny tiny
bit of me that “maybe”, “possibly”, “at a pinch”, could consider doing it
again.
The facts are, I’m not
a spring chicken any more. I found pregnancy hard, because I was quite unwell
with it. I don’t have family who
can help. But what has really put me off, is the way my ex-husband behaved
towards me after our second child was born.
To begin with, it was
a very traumatic birth. The following
day, he came to collect me from hospital, but there was a problem and we were
made to stay a bit longer. He was
cross with me for “wasting his time” coming to the hospital, as we could no
longer go home.
A week later, I was
throwing away dead flowers, which had been sent to us by kind friends. I commented, in a gentle way (as
opposed to my ‘irritated, pissed off wife’ way), that it would have been nice
to have received flowers from him.
His response was snappy and aggressive.
“You’ve had loads of
flowers. You don’t need any more.”
I wasn’t asking for
the crown jewels. Just a bunch of
flowers…!
This upset me enough,
but in the ensuing days, I spoke to him about how traumatised I felt by our
second child’s birth. His response
was aggressive:
“I don’t want to hear
about it. How do you think it felt
for ME having to watch, unable to do anything, whilst you went through
that. It was far worse for me.”
I swore to myself that
day that I would never, under any circumstances, have another child with him.
At that point in time,
I never imagined myself being divorced from him. So I had effectively sworn never to have another child at
all.
Maybe that’s the real
issue: I fear being treated the
way I was before. But maybe, just
maybe, if I am fortunate enough to meet someone I want to be with for the rest
of my life, I could, “maybe”, “possibly”, “at a pinch”, change my mind.
Ugh. I feel the same way... except that I ALWAYS thought I would have 3... but after my 2nd with my ex, I KNEW I would NEVER have another with him. Now I'm dating someone that DOESN'T want to have anymore (he has 4) and I think that MIGHT be my issue with him even though he is a nice guy.
ReplyDeleteUgh for you... and ugh for me.