It was Wednesday night, the kids were with their Dad and as I had a busy day the following day, gay friend Julian and I decided to go out for a couple of drinks. Nothing wild. Just a glass of wine or two…
…. Or three or four…
And yes, I’m sure you’ve already guessed… It turned into a late one!
Why does this always happen when Julian and I get together? What is the dynamic between us?
We come from different generations and totally different backgrounds. And we are very different in character. But our shared sense of humour and values are very alike. We can be alternately puerile and thoughtful. And amazingly, he takes no offence and can tolerate my slightly quirky behaviour.
I’m sure I have many bad habits, but there is one in particular that I do without even realising I’m doing it. I change subjects. In the middle of a conversation about one thing, I’ll start talking about something completely different. Then I look blankly at people, because I cannot fathom why they don’t seem to know what I’m talking about, when it seems perfectly obvious to me…!
But going back to the point about coming from different backgrounds, it never fails to amaze me how social attitudes are the glue of friendship. Identifying that someone thinks the same way as you, negates the need for a friendship to stem from a similar life style. In fact, I think it may even make a relationship stronger, because they don’t have to ‘fit in’. They’re different. That’s the point.
Apparently, when I change subject and Julian no longer has a clue what I’m talking about, I give him a very certain ‘look’. Like I think he’s a moron for not keeping up. And that’s mortifyingly embarrassing! Because I really don’t mean to do it and that’s certainly not what I’m thinking.
“If I didn’t know you, I’d be really offended.” He told me yesterday. “But I know it’s just what you’re like and that you don’t mean to be rude.”
[I hope you’ve noticed that I am jumping about in this post… in an endeavour to give you an idea of what I’m like in person!]
Well, going back to our night out… The plan had been to go for a drink. The bar we went to was just a few feet away from a gay club that Julian likes. So off we went.
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But how wonderful and refreshing to have a friend who ‘gets’ me. Who makes his own coffee, because I’ve offered three times but not quite done it! Who takes no offence at my quirkiness, because he can see through it. And who feels comfortable to let me in to another side of his life, which I have never before experienced.
Julian. You Rock!