So there I was last night, having a quiet evening alone, when a text message pings through:
“Hi Hun, just me. Silly question, but do you still have that photo of my painted toes, the champagne bottle and the rose?”
It was Sarah, my gorgeous, fit, forty something pulling partner. And the photo in question was one I had taken for her in the early summer, when she was busy “Sexting” a hot 30 something sports fanatic.
Having been in a single relationship for the best part of the last twenty years, I marvel at how things have changed! Twenty years ago I didn’t have a mobile phone and to communicate with my boyfriend, I wrote “letters”! Remember those? And if someone had used the word “sexting” I would probably have thought they were talking about a group of six musicians!
But it’s 2011, and sexting seems to be positively encouraged!
Right, getting back to Sarah, she’s a practical kinda girl, and she wanted to “recycle” the photo for her latest Sextexter! Atta girl!
Alas, with two nosey children constantly snooping at my iPhone, I realised that I must have deleted it, to avoid unnecessary questions!
I agreed to meet up and help her get a “sextfolio” together at a later date. I didn’t dare ask which parts of her anatomy she wishes me to photograph! Later, as I stumbled into bed, I started thinking on the whole subject of sexting.
Is it OK? Is it appropriate? How far should you go? Does this medium really give you a true insight into the other person’s personality? Clearly, the anonymity allows you to say things you would never dream of saying face to face, which does skew things a bit. But they are the thoughts that are going through your mind, so they must, in some way at least, represent part of your inner “self”.
Now I have to admit I’m a bit of a coward. I can be all brave on Twitter, but if some of the direct messages I’ve exchanged were made face to face, I would blush to the roots of my hair and die of embarrassment! Seriously!
So I have to ask myself, where do you draw the line? And other than a bit of titillation, is there a point to it? When does a conversation turn from highly amusing harmless smut, into something really blue and inappropriate?
I guess that can only be answered by the people involved, based on their own perceptions of acceptability.
But what if, like Sarah, you are intending to meet these people at a later date… assuming the sexting goes well?! Is it going to suggest that you’re “up for it”, when you might just be being “bold”? And if the person you meet, following hard core sexting, turns out to be a disaster, is it going to be hard to extricate yourself?
Or maybe, like Sarah, who has met a couple of men that she has previously sexted, you will find them a big disappointment. The men in question had been far more fun and interesting when they were at the other end of a mobile phone!
Well, as it stands at the moment, I’m enjoying the conversations I have and Sarah’s having a blast. And I don’t feel inclined to “share”! Sorry! If you knew what was said, you’d understand!
I don’t see any harm in them as long as both parties know where it’s going. But I do see the need to regularly change the passcode on my phone, so the nosey kids don’t read them!
Last night, when I collected my son from school, he saw me quickly answer a message on Twitter.
“Mum!” He said, with a stern “telling off” face. “The teacher at school says that if you spend your life on Twitter and Facebook, you’ll just become sad and have no friends!”
Well – he’s got a point. It can be addictive and take up too much time – but if he saw the message I received first thing this morning, he’d understand that sometimes, it leaves me feeling very far from “sad”!