OK – I admit it. My Dad loves me. My kids love me. Some of my friends (might) even love me. But sometimes it’s not quite enough.
That may sound selfish and self-absorbed, but I’m having one of those days. I’m not like this every day, but I do get these feelings once in a while. They are the days when even though I’m surrounded by people, I feel really alone. They are the days when I miss having someone to share the minutiae of my life with, my innermost thoughts, my feelings about my kids and my feelings about myself.
I spent this afternoon with another divorcee, a mother from school, who also happens to be a psychotherapist. She is a lovely, warm, kindly person and great company. And of course, being women, we talked and talked!
Needless to say, the subject came round to divorce. We started talking about patterns of behaviour and the fact that so many of us do fall into a very destructive pattern of behaviour in our relationships.
It’s been on my mind all afternoon. I know that I have historically fallen into a bad pattern. But what’s even worse, is that my confidence was so damaged by discovering that the person I had married wasn’t who I thought he was.
To make matters even worse, I’ve really pissed someone off tonight. Someone I really don’t want to piss off, because their presence really lifts me.
Tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow I don’t have to make the mistakes I have made in the past. Mistakes which, I have to admit, have often come about by ignoring those gut instincts we all have when something’s wrong.
Tomorrow, I will return to my usual “Happy Lara” state and hopefully, I will still be on speaking terms with the friend I pissed off!