Sunday, 19 February 2012

Flirting. How far should you go…?

Am I a flirt? 


Well, I’d be lying if I said I never flirted.  I like a good old flirt.  It’s good for the ego.  It can be entertaining.  And as long as it’s done within the right context, it should be harmless.   But I don’t think that makes me ‘a flirt’ per se. 

In my interpretation, a flirt is someone who has no boundaries, doesn’t consider other people’s feelings and gets a ‘kick’ out of leading people on.

Whilst I do like a good old flirt, I tend to do it in what I regard as a ‘safe’ environment.  By that, I mean that I will happily flirt with an attractive man, if there is no chance of anything happening. The second I’m in the company of an ‘available’ man, who might find me mutually attractive and act upon it, I seize up.  To flirt with this ‘person’ feels like I’m showing him my hand and giving too much away. 

And so I come to my friend Clare…

Clare is unhappily married.  Her marriage is at breaking point, but she hasn’t got the strength to leave.  

And so she stumbled upon a younger attractive man.  They flirted…  a lot.  And she savoured the attention that was lacking at home.  He is a single attractive guy, and she is a married woman.  A bit of a flirt would have been fine… but it crossed the line.  And now, I fear someone is going to end up hurt. 

In Clare’s case, it will be the single guy who ends up hurt.  And it’s sad, because I wouldn’t categorise her as ‘a flirt’.  She meant no harm.  It’s just that as they got to know each other better and he saw how unhappy her marriage was, I fear that he may have begun to believe that more would come of it.

And so I come back to myself.   During the many years I was married, I happily flirted with men I knew who, like me, were in committed relationships.  There was an unspoken knowledge that ‘we’ were both fully committed to our respective relationships, and so it was just entertaining ‘banter’. 

But now, as a single woman, I feel great trepidation when a man who is in a relationship flirts with me.

As a single woman, I have become acutely aware that many women, especially those in long standing relationships, regard ‘divorcees’ as dangerous predators.  So to witness a single woman flirt with your husband, has a completely different connotation to a married woman doing the same.

I miss flirting.  I miss the ego boost.  But for the time being, I have had to put flirting on the back burner.

When you play with fire, someone always gets hurt… and I don’t want it to be me…

1 comment:

  1. I met someone after my marriage ended who became really special to me. In fact the love of my life but it's been a bit of a bumpy road. When things get a little tough for her, she bails out and it happened again just before Christmas. I didn't feel great and didn't want to date but missed women's company and conversation. Flirting filled the gap. I wasn't expecting it to make me feel different about me but it has. It's also brought the 'special' one back. I'm in no rush or mood to except things as they were (another tick for flirting) so things are moving along in a better and more honest way than before.
    I agree that flirting can be a dangerous thing but it can also be something that brings a little joy and insight as well.


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