It’s that time of year again.
The end of another year.
The New Year looms ahead, and like many people, I have started to reflect on the year gone by and wonder what lies ahead of me.
This year has been an epic one for me. It is the year that my divorced was finalised and I started to settle, with a great deal of trepidation, into a new routine.
The ‘rebound guy’ was finally given his marching orders and I was alone. Living by myself with my two children and the dogs, trying to work out how to earn a living, and starting my blog.
I finally started getting used to being on my own, not having ‘someone’ to share the finite details of my life with and realising that on the weekends when the kids are with their Dad, I could be missing for two whole days before anyone would notice. And that’s not a nice thought.
Finally, I have galvanised myself into action to get Christmas sorted. It’ll be the first one I spend without my children. It’s not a pleasant thought. Like many people who are the primary carer for their children, I can’t help feeling pissed off that having dealt with all day to day stresses and strains of the job, I am going to miss out on the fun of their Christmas Day. But hand in hand with this, I also acknowledge that the upside is that I don’t have to deal with my ex-husband on a day to day basis. And that is definitely a positive thing.
In addition, I will be having a completely ‘grown-up’ Christmas, with two particularly wonderful friends. So I won’t be alone, I will be eating turkey and I will be thoroughly looking forward to the kids return.
And now the New Year is ahead of me. I’m not the type of person who wants to let life get me down – so, I have to take the bull by its horns and get a grip on things.
I have made some great new friends this year – and I am very grateful to them for their unstinting support and kindness. I have also had a bit of time to lick my wounds and on the advice of a friend, have learnt to be a bit kinder to myself and not beat myself up too much.
I hate to think of myself failing – so a failed marriage has been a hard one to swallow. But ultimately, I know that ending it was the right thing to do.
So, in two weeks time it will be another year. New Year’s Eve will be spent with the kids. I may not have anyone to ‘snog’ at midnight, but I do feel a sense of peace that I haven’t experienced for a very long time.
And for the first time in years, I am a little bit more positive about what life has in store.
So, just in case I forget when it gets nearer the time…
I would like to thank all the wonderful people who have posted messages on my blog, sent me the most lovely e-mails, or just taken the time to read what I have to say.
I wish you all a very Happy Christmas and a wonderful 2012.