Thursday, 22 March 2012

As one door shuts another one opens…

The phone call came through on my mobile phone.  It was a local number, but not one that was saved onto my phone.

The caller didn’t leave a message and curiosity got the better of me, so I called the number back.  It turned out to be the landlord of “The Rebound Guy”. 

He had obviously kept hold of my number when RG had borrowed my phone ages ago.  And as he couldn’t get hold of RG on his own number, he had called mine.  He explained that RG was moving out and he wanted to know when he was going to be able to collect his keys.

I politely explained that I had no idea, that I had no connection with RG and asked that he delete my number.

When I hung up, I had the weirdest feeling in the pit of my stomach.  I have no desire to see RG ever again.  Not even out of curiosity.  I have even avoided driving past his house for fear of him seeing me. So why did it feel so strange that he was moving and I would have no idea where he was?

Surely I should be ecstatic!  I no longer have to worry about bumping into him in the local shops, or taking the long route to avoid his house.  I just couldn’t fathom it.  And then, suddenly, the penny dropped. 

And the killer word is:  CONTROL.

The RG was very controlling.  I wanted to end the relationship a long time before I did, but I knew he would behave badly, make life difficult, be aggressive and menacing, and I couldn’t face it.  And that is controlling behaviour.

I took back control when I ended it.  I stood up to his aggressiveness and asserted myself.  I felt that I was very harsh with him, but I knew that if I wasn’t, he would think there was a chink of hope that I might change my mind. 

I behaved more assertively than I have ever done before.  (I am not an Alpha Female!).  And it felt empowering. 

And so, his moving away, or really moving on in life, has upset the balance.  He still knows where I live, but I no longer know where he lives.  I know it’s ridiculous and irrational.  But feelings often are!

Well, this all happened a couple of days ago.  And today, all of a sudden, I feel uplifted. 

A chapter of my life has closed – which means a new one has to open.  And what’s more, if I do meet someone and want to go out with them locally, I no longer have to worry that I might bump into RG.  And that really is a good feeling.

On a completely separate note, this morning I had another ‘mystery call’. 

“Is that Lara?”  Came the unfamiliar voice.  It’s me, Clem.” 

“You play Bridge don’t you?”  He continued.

“Errrr, well it rather depends on whether I have the kids to look after.  But if I’m available, of course I will play.”

“Well, your name’s in my diary.  How do I know you?” 

Smothering my laughter, I explained where he had met me and said that of course, if I was free, I would play Bridge.

OK – if anyone thinks I’ve been mean, I take it all back, the poor man is obviously very confused!

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