Friday, 22 June 2012

Dating Coach or Emotionally incontinent F*ck Wit…? You decide…

We live in a mad and crazy world…

I met up with my great friend @AHLondon_Tex today.  She had cunningly arranged for the kids (hers, mine, and an assortment of others) to be ‘entertained’ elsewhere, so that we could have a good catch-up.  

Her Russian friend, Anechka, was also there.  

For background reference, Anechka is a very attractive young mother, whose husband has decided to ‘absent’ himself from her life, without giving her the courtesy of a divorce.

As a result of his two year absence, A has decided that, should a romantic opportunity present itself, she should not turn it down.

And so, a couple of weeks ago, she took herself off to the cinema alone.  On her return, she bumped into a tall, handsome English man… 

Having made eye contact, he approached her and struck up a conversation.  He explained that he lived round the corner, thought she was very attractive and asked if he could take her for a drink sometime.

She was flattered by his attention, gave him her number and suggested he give her a call.  Over the next couple of days they texted each other and arranged a ‘date’.

So far, so good…

They met in a friendly local pub and the conversation seemed to flow well.  It was at that point that she asked him what he did for a living.  To begin with, he avoided her question, which struck her as ‘odd’ and made her more curious.  She asked him again, and somewhat reluctantly, he explained that he was a ‘Dating Coach’.

I’ve heard of dating coaches before, but never actually met one.  Neither had A, who was a little surprised by this revelation.

Naturally curious, she asked him what type of people he ‘helps’.  He responded by telling her about his most recent client.  An unhappy, overweight, 22 year old ‘virgin’, with a whole ton of problems.  Apparently, he takes his ‘clients’ out on the street to help them ‘chat up’ women and get their phone numbers. 

It immediately struck me that his ‘training’ might help a 22 year old virgin get a date, but then what?  It’s not going to make him any slimmer, more attractive, help him address his personality issues, secure a second date or finally address his virginity!

But I digress…

Having been slightly stumped by the revelation that he was a Dating Coach, Anechka was more than a little alarmed when he started getting a little ‘fresh’ with her.  And when I say ‘fresh’ I really mean ‘outrageous’!  Call me quirky, but I find it a little odd that a Dating Coach would think it appropriate to stick his hand up someone’s dress on a first date.  Had he introduced himself as a ‘Get Laid Quick’ coach, I might have been less surprised.

Feeling more than a little uncomfortable and realising that the guy was actually quite dull, not to mention a pervert, A decided to make her excuses and go home. 

Over the next couple of days, there was an exchange of texts.  I have to confess, I thought it was rather forgiving of A to even speak to him again.  Then finally, the fourth day after the ‘date’, A decided to ask how the 22 year old virgin was getting on.

The reply was extraordinary.

It read:  “You said how is “your” Virgin.  This implies that said Virgin is someone important to me.  This client is not important to me and we don’t have ongoing contact.  Meeting him was not a significant event in my life.  Anechka, I did not understand your reference.  Perhaps you should consider that the fault lies with your poor use of English rather than criticising my mental faculties or integrity.”

To be brutally honest, I’ve always suspected that ‘Life Coaches’ and ‘Dating Coaches’ are not much more than pub psychologists, acting pompous and charging a fortune.  But this one seems more like a sociopath.  I’m just glad A got out of it in one piece and not after having her drink laced with Rohypnol.

It just makes me more convinced than ever that the best way to meet someone is through friends.  And if you do go on a blind date, for goodness sake go somewhere public and make sure they know exactly where you are going.

And as for ‘Dating Coaches’, the more I think about it, the more I think it’s not so much the ‘blind leading the blind’ but more ‘the emotionally incontinent guiding the f*ck wits…’  

And to think the f*ckwits have to pay for this service!

What a load of bollocks!

I’m sorry – but there really is no other word for it.  It’s bollocks!  

We live in a mad and crazy world! 


  1. Do people like this really exist? Have to agree with your assessment 100% ...and I'm a bloke!

    He sounds like the arrogant arse from the Hitch movie. Not Will Smith's character, but the twat banker guy. Obviousy saw that movie and decided any idiot can do that, as long as other idiots are willing to pay for it.

    Nothing wrong with going on bilnd dates or dates set up away from friends, as it means you never have to see the person again if it doesn't work out. As opposed to bumping into them at a party or friend's social gathering.

    Just accept that there's good and bad out there, and to truly appreciate the good, you often have to entertain the bad.


    1. Thank you for your comments. And you are right about having to experience the bad to appreciate the good. I think it applies to a lot of things in life, not just romantic relationships.



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